Lack of Color

"This is FACT not FICTION for the first time in years."

This song just breaks my heart.

I'm excited for West Palm. Don't really know what to expect when I move there. Wish there was more certainty right now. I love my family though, and that is certain.

I want to thank the girls of 322 C for letting me sit outside their apartment and steal their internet while I have none.

06/06/2011

Some things haven't changed in five years.

These Times, They are a Changing

I've said this before, and it probably won't be the last time I will say this. I'm ready to move on. The thing that is sad to me is that I'm not ready to move on because I'm ready, I'm not; I'm ready because I'm being forced to move on. I'm only hurting myself at this point. And besides, things will probably never be the way they used to be; and if they are, it won't be with me in the situation I am right now. It's easy to sit here and whine and feel sorry for myself, but I have to be the man and stop. I need to stop being a walking pity party because that helps no one. My heart is probably not going to stop hurting anytime soon, but once again, pity won't help that and hanging on someone's every move certainly won't help that. Basically, I've lost my chance and I really need to pick up the pieces before I've lost all of the pieces. I'm sorry for this by the way. I'm not sure how to express this but on here.

Done

I'm finished with my undergrad and for the first time in my life I have no definite school plans for the future. I've always had my plans laid out without even thinking about it, so this is a very new experience for me.

FNL

Watched the last Friday Night Lights episode the other day. The name of the last episode was Always. It included an engagement for one set of characters, relationship uncertainty for another, and potential future for another. It's interesting that Always can mean so many different things.

This one person.

I consider myself to be very blessed. I was born into a family where I had a lot of opportunities to do pretty much anything I ever wanted to do. I've also been lucky to have great relationships with people. One relationship will always stand out.

That person taught me so much about myself and about people. I had never had someone I could tell anything to and that really meant a lot to me. Spending time with her was the most comfortable and easiest thing to do. So many memories were made and I would definitely not be the same person I am without having gone through the things I did with her. I will be forever grateful.

Her passion for the little ones is amazing. You can hear it in her voice when you talk to her. And you will probably know within the first couple of minutes. It is wonderful. You can also see God in her everyday life. She really is a princess. I look forward to future experiences whenever they may happen, even if it is a little while away.

Always

It just so works out that I don't get to eat lunch at my internship today. Clients in the morning and front desk duty in until three. And to top it all off, someone is making pizza in the break room. Smells divine. I'm going to go home early today to eat/get some other things done. Should be a good day. Going to TBS tonight, but eating Chick-Fil-A beforehand.

Forgiveness

I wish I could make all of the problems of the past go away. I wish we could start anew with right now and just go from here. I wish these things were possible. We all deserve a rest from reality sometimes and that time is sometimes now.

I wish these things but the past is always with us. The choices we make stay with us and become a part of who we are. They become a part of who we are but they don't become who we are. Our past choices don't have to define us. Make choices from now on that you're not afraid to have define us.

You are awesome, and we are awesome

Making Strides

Ran tonight. Wasn't sure if running was in the cards for me tonight. It was and I ran a little less than two miles. I was feeling good towards the end and was contemplating running another couple hundred meters. Got cramps right after I thought about going a longer distance. Still felt better during my run today than I have during a run in a long long time. Definite improvement.

Also, making strides in other parts of my life. Becoming more okay with everything. Trusting more in the Lord. These thing have to happen eventually. If it's in God's plan we'll meet again in a better situation. If not, I can't dwell on this situation forever, even though I probably would if it were up to me. Once again though, more okay.

See the double meaning to making strides there? Improvements and running. They both involve strides in some way...

Pro/Con List of Running in Tallahassee According to David

Pro: Running down hills
Weather still not unbearable and it's already basically April
Lots of side streets making it easy to add a quick quarter mile extra to a run
I have to develop new routes to run because of unfamiliarity
There is apparently a 5k just about every weekend


Con: Running up hills
College life has made me out of shape
Area where I run is not as nice, so I can't run late at night
The roads here are not in as good shape as I am used to

I've been running again for about a week now. It feels good to get back into the daily run grind. I'm excited for a week or two when it stops hurting so much after a mile and a half. My legs appear to be more or less back into shape. Once I slim down my torso it will be a lot easier for me to run longer distances without stopping. My legs will almost definitely be stronger then too.

Cats Names

One potential cat name for someday is Wrinkles.

All Out

I used to say that I gave all I had in friendships and relationships because I had never been hurt. I had never put a lot into a situation and had it really backfire on me. I was pretty content being the guy that goes all the way for the people in my life. There were benefits to this way to live and there were also drawbacks. I felt that I got the most from my relationships but I also ran the risk of pain, of being hurt in these friendships.

I've gone through a little more of my life and I've felt some of these pains. I've been hurt by different people in various ways. That pain can burn worse that a million candles. It is hard and it takes a long time to recover from.

But, I have also decided not to change my ways. I have decided that I can't change my ways. If I didn't live this life like this, I wouldn't be me. It would be very uncharacteristic of me to stop doing this now or at anytime. This may be because it took me longer than a lot of people I know to feel let down by someone, but it might also be because I have had so many great relationships with so many different people in my life. I have loved all out for so long and have seen the fruits that it can bear. To continue that metaphor, I'm not going to stop eating the fruit just because a couple of them have turned up rotten. On a side note, this goes the opposite way my Dad chooses restaurants. I've hit so many homeruns, I won't stop once one gets called back due to the new fangled instant replay technology(I was going to compare homeruns to strikeouts, but the hurting has never been strikeouts. They have always been really good and then followed by bumps in the road.) So don't worry guys. Expect the same ol' David in your life, he's not going anywhere.

Faith and Reliability

What can we put our all into? What can we rely on? In my experience the only thing we can rely on in life is faith in Jesus. Everything else will fail you eventually.
This sentiment is expressed vividly when I follow sports. It's so easy for me to get all my hopes and dreams caught up in how well the seminoles do or how well the bears do.
When they lose at the end of the season it's over, there is no going back. That season is over. Unless you win the championship, the season ends in disappointment. There is only one champion at the end of the year.
With faith God will never fail you. He is unique in this way.

Ball Dropped

It kills me to see statements of happiness with not me. I don't want my best friend to hurt one bit, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt me that much more. I'm glad she's having a great time and I wish I wasn't so selfish. That's what kills me. I kill me. The ball was definitely dropped.

Target Kickball

Today I plan to participate in a kickball game that matches two Target store up against each other. 844 vs. 1973. I work at 844 and we plan on winning. This could be a lot of fun. There is also a barbeque after the game. I'm super excited.

Also, this photo stirs up all kinds of emotions in me.

Newd

I'm tired of feeling sorry for myself, so I'm done with that. My love will never stop but me pitying myself has to.

Some really good things have started to happen. Namely, I've been getting back into running and that feels great. As long as I stick with running I should be able to get back into shape fairly quickly. I've set some attainable goals for myself. I'd like to be able to run a 24 minute 5k by graduation. That was my average time when I was in high school running cross country. My harder but still possibly attainable goal is to run a 5k in 21 minutes. Running is fun and the pain is good sometimes.

Marathon has also been coming into my head lately. I think it would be cool to accomplish that, especially since it is so hard for me to run 3 miles right now.

I've also been reading my bible and other assorted books lately. That has been really rewarding.

He's not me and you're not you

I'm sick and tired of feeling like there's something I should be doing that I am forgetting to do all the time. I need to get over this so I can live my life but that seems impossible to do right now. I wish life wasn't so uncertain sometimes.