Friday, May 29, 2009

Bye, Bye.

You know what would be crazy?

It would be crazy if you were driving your Chevy all of the way to the levee, but when you got there you realized that the entire levee was dry, thus, making your entire trip not worth the drive. It's not like you live too close to the levee either.

But then, you happen to come upon approximately three 'good old boys' drinking rye whiskey.

And then you saw Jason Biggs trying to have sex with a pie. Your mind would most likely be blown.

Just sayin'.


Monday, May 25, 2009


Never have I ever. Never have I ever been told to get rid of my sideburns. Sure, I've been told to "shave that beard off" when I had one. Sure, I've been told "cut that mop off of your head". But, nobody has ever touched the burns, verbally or with one of their hair cutting devices, until a few days ago. It's not like they're huge muttonchops or anything.

And I'm not going to. I was just semi-shocked that I was criticized about this. I mean, they perfectly frame my face. I am nothing without a little hair in front of my ear. Cut those and I am nothing but hair on top of my head and that would be a little unreasonable to ask of somebody, wouldn't it?

I've always been a fan of the thinking that hair grows back. Because most of the time it does. And then, when the hair stops growing back, it's out of your control anyway. For these reasons, hair isn't a big deal for me. Why would it be a big deal for you, Target lady I work with? But, just let me be me, because it doesn't really affect you anyways.


Thursday, May 21, 2009


I just drove through a lightening storm and it was was of the most beautiful experiences I have ever been apart of.
This is one of the things I love about SoFla. You don't really get that anywhere else.
There was no rain and barely any wind. I was engulfed in a different flash of lightening every three seconds.
It has since calmed down, but it was still AMAZING.


Monday, May 18, 2009

Addendum 27.083093 Section 3

In regards to my last post.

"Under no circumstances is anyone to give himself a nickname."
Although, it can be kind of funny/hilarious to watch someone try.


Saturday, May 16, 2009

j. B.S.

I titled this blog post jBS because I think it's funny, and because I'm sure nobody has thought of this before.

It's actually nothing bad about JBS or anything. I was just thinking about it because I've noticed some people call Jordan 'JBS' because of her initials and nobody calls Danny 'DPH' because of his initials. I mean, they both have the hyphenated name thing going so why not.

Is it because Danny is spanish, because that's racism(sexism?).

Then I realized that I lied to all of you guys. I know why it's JBS and it's not DPH. It's because people like nicknames. Nicknames are comforting and make people feel apart of the group. Unless they are bad nicknames, then they feel ostracized.

I've done a lot of thinking about nicknames in my day, and I feel nicknames are a very interesting part of society. There are two things that have to happen, and a couple of other things that help, for a nickname to flourish.

One thing that has to happen is that the nickname has to be catchy, to stick. Or sticky, to catch. It has to be something that people will remember to call that chosen person.

It also has to be short. There are only a couple of instances that I can recall where I remember a nickname sticking that was longer than maybe three syllables. The actual name might be longer, but the long name usually gets shortened into a fun short name.

One thing that really helps a nickname stick is to have someone be introduced as the nickname. If the entire time you have known someone, you have been calling them 'pickles', you are more likely to keep calling them 'pickles'.

Another thing that helps with nicknames is repetition. I have never known a good nickname to stick when you only use it once a month, or so. People usually forget. If everyone were to start calling DPH: 'the duck', there is a good chance he will start being known as 'the duck'.

I think these are puddles of buckets of fun.


Wednesday, May 13, 2009


"My Mother is a fish"

Oh Vardaman, you're a crazy dude.


Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Hat Hair

While I was running and doing my workout today, the heat got to me. I had to stop my workout and walk over to where the shade was because I could feel my head start to get very hot and my mind start to shut down. I had to shut my eyes and try to make it to the shade which was only about forty feet away. I barely made it to the shade and my body shut down and I just laid on the cold concrete waiting for my brain to gain back it's normal function. I turned out to be okay even though I didn't finish my workout after that. (though I tried and felt the same thing coming on so I called it a day)

This has led me to ask myself why this happened to me today when it has never to my current knowledge happened to me before. Everything was about the same today as it was the last time I ran, the temperature may have been a couple of degrees hotter but nothing that would make me feel so much worse. It was also the same time of day.

My first guess as to possibly why this had happened is that, my hair was previously acting as a hat. It could have been keeping the sun out of my face and possibly keeping me just cool enough to function properly. As you can see by the picture, my hair was covering most of my head, as well as my neck and forehead. Maybe.

The other reason I can think of is that maybe my water consumption prior to working out was less than before. This is probably what happened. Duh.


Friday, May 8, 2009


Animal Collective was just a category on Jeopardy.

Except it wasn't about the band, it was about what you call animals when they're grouped together.

For instance, a bunch of wolves hanging out = a pack. Or, a group of rhinos = a crash. Also, a group of crows = a murder.


Ok, Now It's Time to jump in the Pool

I got my hair cut... for free!!! The only stipulation for getting a free haircut was that I had to get it really short. It's about a half of an inch long all over my head. It looks anywhere from okay to really cool. Check it out at It's nifty.

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


It is really hot in West Palm. Especially when you are trying to get back into shape. Other than the heatness and the lack of motivation, the whole working out thing this summer is going pretty well. Hopefully it all pays out for me in the end.

Also, I need to cut this hair off of my head. It keeps getting in my eyes and I have to close my eye so the hair doesn't get in it. Then, when my eye is closed, I end up losing my balance and almost tripping. I would expect my hair to be off of my head by Monday. No promises though.

Monday, May 4, 2009


I'm starting my new workout summer plan tomorrow. Wish me luck. I need to be persistent in order to achieve my goal. I would really like to get back into the shape I was in when I was in high school.

Saturday, May 2, 2009

Barry Me

Yesterday at the Jimmy John's, I was reading one of the many signs on the wall and I found this one poster interesting. It was called '16 Things That Took Me Over 50 Years to Learn' and it was by Dave Barry. Dave Barry wrote a humor column for the Miami Herald that my Dad used to read. My Dad really dug his humor (he probably would have used the 'digg' function on the column if that was invented at the time and he knew how to use the technology) and subsequently bought a couple of his books and thought he was a very funny guy. In fact, Dave Barry books were the default Christmas gifts that my brother and I would by my Dad because he always seemed to enjoy receiving a book by Dave Barry. When I saw that he was the author of the list I was reading, it kind of gave the list sentimental value to me. Anyway, here's the list:
(Underneath the rule I put my own little input.)

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Cuz it will make ya poop yourself. While you sleep.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why thee human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

Why take so long to think? Just Do It.

3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

While I don't disagree here, it might take me another thirty years to figure this one out completely.

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

I feel like this is very true. I think there is a different way of going about this.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

You will only probably have your career until you're 65 or so, your life lasts until you die.

6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

This one I have trouble with. I need to be less self conscious.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

You'll probably cut your tongue or something.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe Daylight Savings Time.

I couldn't explain it for certain.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

This could end badly.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

I struggle with this one a bit, but I agree wholeheartedly at the same time. Stop expecting a party or a big deal at eleven, if you get a party after that, consider yourself lucky. Feel free to throw a party for yourself if you want to make a big deal out of your birthday.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

I'm the best. Not. Actually I'm pretty good.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) ?

Plus, it's not a good idea to tick off the waiter, he/she handles your food.

14. Your friends love you anyway.

And I love them.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

The Ark saved the animals and the Titanic crashed and people died.

16. Thought for the Day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

I bet you thought he was going to say they get better with time or something.

I hope you all enjoyed this. I'm moving back to West Palm today for the summer, and I'm going to miss all of my Tally friends. Love you all and see you guys soon.