Barry Me

Yesterday at the Jimmy John's, I was reading one of the many signs on the wall and I found this one poster interesting. It was called '16 Things That Took Me Over 50 Years to Learn' and it was by Dave Barry. Dave Barry wrote a humor column for the Miami Herald that my Dad used to read. My Dad really dug his humor (he probably would have used the 'digg' function on the column if that was invented at the time and he knew how to use the technology) and subsequently bought a couple of his books and thought he was a very funny guy. In fact, Dave Barry books were the default Christmas gifts that my brother and I would by my Dad because he always seemed to enjoy receiving a book by Dave Barry. When I saw that he was the author of the list I was reading, it kind of gave the list sentimental value to me. Anyway, here's the list:
(Underneath the rule I put my own little input.)

1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Cuz it will make ya poop yourself. While you sleep.

2. If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why thee human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be “meetings.”

Why take so long to think? Just Do It.

3. There is a very fine line between “hobby” and “mental illness.”

While I don't disagree here, it might take me another thirty years to figure this one out completely.

4. People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

I feel like this is very true. I think there is a different way of going about this.

5. You should not confuse your career with your life.

You will only probably have your career until you're 65 or so, your life lasts until you die.

6. Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

This one I have trouble with. I need to be less self conscious.

7. Never lick a steak knife.

You'll probably cut your tongue or something.

8. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.

If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all.

9. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe Daylight Savings Time.

I couldn't explain it for certain.

10. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

This could end badly.

11. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to make a big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.

I struggle with this one a bit, but I agree wholeheartedly at the same time. Stop expecting a party or a big deal at eleven, if you get a party after that, consider yourself lucky. Feel free to throw a party for yourself if you want to make a big deal out of your birthday.

12. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above average drivers.

I'm the best. Not. Actually I'm pretty good.

13. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to a waiter, is not a nice person (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.) ?

Plus, it's not a good idea to tick off the waiter, he/she handles your food.

14. Your friends love you anyway.

And I love them.

15. Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

The Ark saved the animals and the Titanic crashed and people died.

16. Thought for the Day: Men are like fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it’s up to the women to stomp the crap out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

I bet you thought he was going to say they get better with time or something.

I hope you all enjoyed this. I'm moving back to West Palm today for the summer, and I'm going to miss all of my Tally friends. Love you all and see you guys soon.